I Take A Breath
by Aimless
Summary: Jesse needs to breathe. COMPLETE


TITLE: I Take A Breath

AUTHOR: Aimless – PG

SPOILERS: None

SYNOPSIS: Jesse needs to breathe.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own them (sigh – if only) and I'm not making a dime here. No copyright infringement is intended so please don't sue me. Besides, all you'd get is a pocket full of lint, a couple of cats, and some half-dead houseplants.

I TAKE A BREATH

The battle is becoming intense, but I already know that we're going to win.

Brennan throws pulsating blue beams of electricity from each hand, dropping two more of our opponents to the ground. Shalimar stalks her prey like the elegant feline she is. She pounces, delivering ferocious kicks and punches, taking out an additional four men. Emma attacks using her psionic blasts. Her victims fall back unconscious, run away in fear of some unknown, or simply change their mind about their attack and walk casually away.

I can only fight in hand-to-hand combat to the best of my non-enhanced abilities, occasionally phasing to avoid a blow. My powers are mostly defensive. If I should strike an opponent with a massed fist, I could easily kill them and I already have too many deaths on my conscience.

The last man falls and our team begins to relax somewhat. "Is it just me, or are these guys losing their touch?" Brennan jokes, still out of breath from the battle.

No, our opponents are not losing their touch and everyone knows it. This has been the toughest battle in a long time. I'll tell Brennan that as soon as I'm able to catch my own breath.

We're exchanging celebratory pats on the back when a dark figure steps out of the shadows. He raises an automatic weapon and begins to fire. Brennan, who was standing in front of me, throws himself safely to the side. Instinctively, I take a quick breath and mass, providing a shield for Emma and Shalimar. The bullets relentlessly impact my body but are little more than a nuisance. Emma and Shalimar huddle behind me, it's far too dangerous for them to move even slightly.

Impatiently, I begin to wonder why Brennan hasn't thrown a bolt of electricity and taken this guy out. I look to the direction he fell and my heart lurches when I realize that he's out cold. He must have hit his head when he went down.

A bullet impacts a slightly more sensitive spot on my chest, acting as a gentle reminder that my body is going to require me to breathe soon. I'm fine for now, besides, I need to protect Emma and Shalimar.

I must have somehow given away the fact that the gunman had hit a vulnerable spot, as now, almost all of the bullets impact the small area on my lower chest. At first, the sensation is more of an irritant than anything else. It's similar to hearing running water when you need to relieve yourself and there are no facilities available. The irritant quickly changes into an urgent need.

My chest burns and my lungs buck, insisting that I draw fresh oxygen into my system, but the gunman offers no respite. Black spots dance before my eyes, my muscles become weak, and a light, fuzzy sensation fills my mind.

Brennan, please wake up. I can't hold out much longer.

Realizing he has the advantage, the gunman steps closer. The bullets impact harder. This is it. My body's primordial instincts and needs overrule my screaming consciousness.

I take a breath...

I bolt upright in bed only to be caught and steadied by Emma and Shalimar. Hands rub soothing circles on my back and push sweat-dampened strands of hair off my brow as I gulp at the much-needed air. Still in the grips of my nightmare, I'm so shocked to see the two of them very much alive and well that I throw an arm around each one and hold them to me in a crushing embrace, whispering 'thank God, you're alive' over and over again.

"That must have been one heck of a nightmare," Emma comments after I'm finally able to force my muscles to relax enough to release them. "I think I would have been able to sense it even without my psionic powers." She looks to Shalimar who says nothing, but studies me with a critical eye.

I've finally slowed my breathing enough to give some sort of response. "Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Emma offers.

I look Emma in the eye and offer what I'm sure is only a feeble imitation of a smile. "I'm fine, Emma. Thank you."

She takes this as the polite dismissal it was intended to be. "Okay, but let me know if you need anything."

"Sure."

With a final kiss to my forehead, Emma turns to leave.

Shalimar moves as if to depart as well but my hand shoots out and clasps onto hers. She spins around and our eyes lock. Emma, who had paused at the door to wait for Shalimar, doesn't need telepathic abilities to read our silent communication. She exits quietly and closes the door behind her.

Shalimar sits at the edge of my bed and listens attentively as I relay the contents of my dream. I share my fears with her, fears of failure, that I haven't disclosed to anyone else, even Adam. I feel only the slightest pang of guilt for keeping these feelings from the rest of my team, my family.

This isn't the first time that I've opened up to Shalimar like this and she has shared her emotions equally with me. It's something that we had done quite often when we were younger and it was just the two of us at Sanctuary with Adam.

Shalimar is my dearest friend and I will always try to cherish and protect this friendship that has existed... Well, I know 'as long as I can remember' isn't the correct phrase. I most definitely remember the horribly lonesome period at the beginning of my life before this beautiful, caring creature became part of my family. I'll settle for the phrase 'as long as I care to remember'.

Shalimar gives me a tentative, sad smile, as if reading my thoughts and understanding my needs, something she seems able to do with frightening regularity. She gives me a slight nudge in the ribs and whispers the gentle command 'move over' to which I quickly comply. She slips into bed next to me, cuddles up against my side, wraps her arms tightly around my torso, and rests her head on my shoulder. In response, I wrap my arms around her lean body and hug her tightly to myself.

"I love you, Jesse," her sleepy voice mumbles softly after several minutes of comfortable silence.

Though, to the casual observer, we may look like lovers in a romantic, post-coital embrace, we both know that isn't the case. Her declaration of love far exceeds the bounds of friendship and, perhaps, even family, but we could never have a romantic relationship. Actually, I prefer it this way because, as strange as it may sound, I love her more than that.

"I love you, too, Shal."

Shalimar shifts slightly at my voice, snuggling in a little bit closer. Her breathing slows and deepens. She's asleep and I know that I'll be joining her in slumber soon.

Just as I begin do drift off, I feel my body begin to mass; instinctively trying to protect the form at my side from any unseen demons. My eyes snap open but, for the moment, I remain in my massed state.

I think back to my dream and wonder what would happen if the situation had been real. So much could be lost by my simple, all-too-human need to breathe. While I think it's safe to assume that I wouldn't survive to see the ramifications of my actions, what about my friends? Assuming they survive the assault, would they ever be able to forgive me? Would I ever be able to forgive myself, here or in the next life?

Thoughts and questions are spinning dizzily in my head when I feel a soft touch on the side of my face.

"We don't expect miracles or guarantees, Jesse. We know that you'll always try your best and you would never intentionally do anything to cause us harm. That's all we would ever ask of you...of anyone."

I look to Shalimar and see the sincerity in her expressive brown eyes. Intellectually, I know that she's right, but emotionally, I can't accept it. I know that I can't perform miracles and my body does have limits, but that doesn't prevent me from attempting to achieve the impossible if it means the chance of saving my friends' lives. In the end, however, I know there is only one course of action I can take.

With a final look at Shalimar's concerned face, her body resting securely within my massed arms...

I take a breath.

THE END


End file.
